I Just Need You Here
by Rainbow.Dinosaur.xX
Summary: Deku is depressed. And if he lived America, he would probably listen to Linkin Park and cry himself to sleep. TRIGGER WARNING This fanfiction features the mention of self harm and self medicating. It is rated mature due to these dark themes. If you or anyone else is going through a hard time, please seek help


**Bakugo POV**

I walked into Momo's house. It's 2am.

She's having a party.

A party I left 2 hours ago.

The only person I care about right now is the person who called me back here. The person who told me to come. Told me I was needed.

"Ochaco!"

The terrified girl looks at me with tears in her eyes..

"Where is he?!"

 _ **5 hours earlier.**_

 _ **Midoriya's POV**_

Hi. My name is Izuku Midoriya. I'm 18, and we just graduated UA. Momo is throwing a party at her house tonight to celebrate. I don't want to go.

I haven't wanted to do much of anything these days to be honest. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to go to sleep, I don't want to eat, I don't want to shower, I don't want to see my.. "friends".. I don't want to do anything. I just want everything and everyone to disappear. Just float away and turn into ash.. because. I. Just. Don't. Care.

I feel so numb. So lifeless. Nothing is bringing me joy anymore. I used to be so excited about becoming a pro hero! It used to bring me so much joy... But it's turned out to be a lot harder than I expected.

Having to put on this happy face, be "A Hero With A Smile" and "The New Symbol of Peace" is really. Fucking. Draining.

Sure I love the praise and kind words people say to me about how much of a wonderful hero they think I am, and saving people is great!

But who the fuck is going to save me damnit?

All my "friends" at UA just think I am this bubbly ball of happiness. But none of them ask why even in the hot of summer I wear pants. And why I always cover up when we go swimming.. or why I never want people to see my body.. and would change my clothes in the bathroom stall..

Using One For All really scarred up a lot of my body. So I'm sure everyone just thought I was embarrassed about _those scars_..it was the other scars.. the ones I made without my quirk..that I didn't need them seeing. The scars that were on my upper inner thigh, and the ones on my hip, and the ones on my forearms.

They helped me feel. Helped me get through my day. Helped me put on that damn smile and say hello to everyone. Whenever I would give myself one of those scars the euphoria of it all would just be so overwhelming... I got to go to this place that felt just so...damn.. right in the moment. I would start to be able feel like I've never felt before, the high of it all.. was...magical.

I know it's unhealthy. I know it's dangerous. I know I need to stop.

But then there's Kacchan.. my "childhood best friend" who ignores me, treats me like shit, and told me before we even got into UA that I should just go kill myself. I sometimes think about what would have happened if I actually did. Would he have cared? Who knows...

He just makes my life so much better.. not. But for some stupid reason unbeknownst to me... I follow him everywhere. I love him.. but more about that later.

I told myself I would stop the cutting tonight. There are other far less painful things to numb the pain.

I looked at the clock, it was 10pm. I'm wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a black shirt with "All Might" in red and blue lettering across the front. Just because I'm depressed doesn't mean I have to dress like I am.

I knock on Momo's door with a big smile on my face.

As soon as the door opens a way too excited Ochaco comes running up to me wrapping me in what felt like a death grip.

"DEEEKKUUUU!!!"

Someone started celebrating early.

"IM SOOOO HAPPY YOU ARE HEEERRRRE!!"

"I'm happy you are happy Ochaco.. but..you're hurting me"

A sudden look of fear and realization washed over her face as she lets go.

"Sorry sorry! Please!! Come in!! Lemme show you where the bar is!"

I look over at Momo who was holding the door, and she just mouthed the words "I don't know, I'm sorry." And I walked in.

Momo And Ochaco started to show me around telling me where everything was. I've been to her house before. It's huge. But they wanted to show me where to food, alcohol.. and the "cake pops" were that Momo made.

These "cake pops" I was told had THC in them. ( _Marijuana for those who don't know_ ) and I instantly knew I would be having one.. or 5 of those. I have had edibles before. And let me tell you.. they make me feel amazing. Like all the pain, and depression, and hurt is gone. Being high is something that I can barely explain. I love the loss of self-control... And how everything just seems so funny... And I don't give a shit about anything when I'm high off my ass. And I get the best sleep.

They also, and more importantly, let me forget. So I instantly take one of them and pop it in my mouth.

 _Mmm chocolate_.

I must get my hands on more of these.

They then took me to the main room where it looked like everyone already was. I knew I was late. Most people had arrived at 9. As soon as I walked in there were cheers of "Midoriya!" and "Deku!" Like they were waiting for me.. which I guess they were.

"Now that everyone is here!" An excited Momo said, "lets take a shot!" And out no where it seemed like waiters appeared holding trays of shot glasses filled with who knows what.. probably vodka. Thank God Momo had a huge house with a lot of rooms.. none of us were old enough to drink. And some people already looked like they wouldn't be driving home.

In the corner of the room I let my eyes fall onto Kacchan. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, white shirt, and button down black top over it.

 _Damn he looked hot_.

But I would need a lot more liquid courage and cake pops before I would be able to talk to him.

I had made up my mind that I would confess tonight.

I've had a major crush on him since I was 14. Not that he was the main reason, but he was one of the root causes of my depression. I knew he would never like me. Hell I don't even think he liked men. Let alone women. And he always yelled at me. He stopped beating me up after our fight at Ground Beta, but that was about it.

Most of our class, if not all of them knew I was gay. I didn't really hide it, but I didn't flaunt it either. We were all at Denki's for a get together during our second year, and someone wanted to play truth or dare. When it got to my turn to pick I chose truth. I didn't feel like doing a dare that I'm sure would involve me kissing someone, or doing something stupid.

It was Shoto of all people who asked.

"Are you gay Midoriya?" To which I simply replied. "Yes". And that was that.

Can't say anyone was too surprised. The only one who seemed to give more emotion than necessary was Kacchan. He had this angry looking flush on his face and had a hard time looking at me the rest of the night.

Great.. just what I needed.

Breaking me out of my trance was A tray that seemed to pop up out of no where with the shot glasses on it. I grabbed a glass, waited for Momo make her toast, and took the shot.

 _Yuck. Tequila. Is she trying to kill us?_

3 cake pops, 4 mixed drinks, and 2 shots later.. I was feeling pretty great. And by great, I mean I didn't feel much of anything. And the room was spinning... And everything was funny.. and that I couldn't see properly. I didn't eat much either.. I knew I should.. but well.. food can go fuck its self.

But I was able to focus my vision enough to look at my phone, and saw it was now midnight. I finally decided I would talk to Kacchan.

I walked out into the courtyard where I knew he was, and damn it was nice outside!

"Hhey Kacchannn" I said with a big ass smile on my face. He was standing with Denki, Mina, and Eijiro and they were talking about who knows what.. and I kinda barged into their conversation looking like a bit of a hot mess. My hair was all over the place, my eyes were bloodshot, my face was super flushed.. and I think I had a boner. Classy I know.

They all looked at me like I was nuts. Mina and Kacchan were clearly sober, but Denki and Eijiro looked high off their ass.

"Tch! What the fuck do you want Shitty Deku?! You look like a mess!"

"Mmmm... ha ha ha.. I uhh.. " and put my hands on his shoulders.

 _Shit i think I'm gong to puke_.

"I uhh ha ha ha.. I wanted to tell you that I love.."

But before I was able to get out the last word of my confession...

 _Shit! Shit! Shit_!

I moved my hands off of Kacchan and puked all over the ground and on Kacchan's crotch.

"GAHH!! WHAT THE FUCK YOU SHITRAG!"

"EEEEK!" Mina squeaked.

"Damn man.. that's nasty.." I feel a hand patting my back as I am hunched over emptying the contents of my stomach.

"You're pretty messed up huh buddy?" I notice the hand and voice belong to Eijiro. I look up at him for a split second before I am hurling again.

"FUCK MAN! IM LEAVING! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! DIE!!" I heard Kacchan yell and storm away. Denki following after him.

"Wait up man! You gotta drive me hommmme!"

From the corner of my eye I see Mina rummaging through her bag and see her pull out a couple napkins. She looks over at Eijiro and tells him to help me stand up.. because at this point I was on my ass on the ground bawling my eyes out. And she shoves the napkins in my hands.

"Here.. wipe your face Izuku.. Kiri, help me take him to the bathroom. "

I don't remember too much after that. Except that Kacchan told me to die. Or at least that's what I thought he said.

I woke up an hour or so later. I must have passed out at some point. I noticed I was in a bed and that..

 _OH SHIT!_

My clothes had been changed... I was wearing an oversized T-shirt and a pair of sweat pants .. and I think someone must have showered me because my hair was slightly damp. Whoever undressed me saw..

 _Shit._

I looked to my right and saw my phone by the bedside table. I grabbed it and saw that It was 1:30 am. The room was pretty quite. I also saw a glass of water and a note attached to it that said "drink me".

I still felt like I was messed up. And I was really hungry.. but my mouth tasted like vomit.. so maybe eating wasn't the best idea.

I sat up in the bed, grabbed the glass, and took a swig of the liquid. And as I was putting it back on the table.. I missed. It fell to the ground and broke, leaving large shards of glass all over the hardwood floor.

Memories of what had happened hours before came rushing back to me.

I told Kacchan that I loved him... and he told me to...Die..

Tears started to well up in my eyes. He told me to die..

Tears were now streaming down my face and I got up from the bed and planted my feet on the floor in the broken glass.

Ouch!

I cried even more due to the pain.

 ** _️️️TRIGGER WARNING️️️_**

 ** _THIS NEXT PART GETS REALLY DARK. IT IS NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART._**

 ** _(This has been rated mature for a reason. You have been warned.)_**

I reached down to the floor to grab a large shard of glass that had broken off from the cup, and stumbled my way into the attached bathroom. I know I said I would stop, but I needed the release, I needed the euphoria. I needed to think of something that wasn't Kacchan and my shitty ass life.

I looked at my self in the mirror and just cried even harder. My eyes were bloodshot, my hair was a mess, and I was shaking.

I sat down on the floor not even caring anymore at this point and slashed the glass across my arm.

 _Drip_.

I started to see the blood start to bead up around the wound and a droplet go to the floor.

HE WANTS ME TO DIE!

 _Slash._

I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM AND TOLD ME TO DIE!

 _Slash_.

ALL I WANTED WAS FOR HIM TO TELL ME HE LOVES ME!

 _Slash_.

"FUCK HIM!!"

 _Slash_.

I start to scream at the top of my lungs.

"FUCK THIS DAY!!"

 _Slash_.

"FUCK EVERYTHING!!"

 _Slash. Slash. Slash. Slash_.

"AHHH!"

 _Drip. Drip. Drip_.

My arm is a mess. Blood is dripping down from the wounds on my arms and pooling onto the floor. I'm shaking and bawling my eyes out.

I am wreck.

Suddenly I hear the door slamming open and the voices of Mina and Eijiro.

"Deku!!!"

"Midoriya!?!!"

"IZUKU!!!!"

Mina and Eijiro are in the doorway of the bathroom, Mina's knees give out and she drops to the floor grabbing me in her arms and I drop the glass.

"EIJIRO!! Call 119 !! NOW!!"

"Deku... Deku why??" I hear her say with a strained and shaky voice.

"Kkacchan.. Kacchan told me to die Mina.. I told him I loved him and he told me to die.." I sobbed.

And at that point it was like a lightbulb clicked on in her brain.

"Oh Deku that's what you were trying to say before you threw up?"

"MINA! DDEKU??"

A shocked and now hysterical looking Ochaco walks into the bathroom with Eijiro next to her.

"We called the ambulance." Eijiro said in what sounded like a whisper.

"I'm calling him.. he will come.. he has to.."

I was drifting off into sleep and could barely hear the next words that came out of Mina's mouth. I think she was telling me to hang on..

Hang on to what Mina? My life is over. No one will want me to be the "Symbol of Peace" now..

Everything was getting cold.

And everything was getting dark.

 ** _Bakugo's POV_**

1:45 am.

 _Buzz buzz buzz_

Who the fuck is calling me??

"WHAT?!?"

"B-Bakugo?"

It was Ochaco. She seems like she was crying, and that something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Bakugo... we we need you to come back to Momo's.."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"It's.. it's Deku."

My heart dropped.

"Please hurry"

Without another thought I ran out of my house using my quirk to blast me as fast as I could to Momo's house.

Shit! What happened?? Shit!!

2am.

"Ochaco!"

The terrified girl looks at me with tears in her eyes..

"Where is he?!"

She races me upstairs to the bathroom and I see him on the floor in Mina's arms covered in blood. Those wounds look self inflicted.

I kneel down to where Mina is and she wraps her arms around my neck and cries.

"He needs you Katsuki.. he needs you"

I put my hands on Deku's shoulders trying to shake him away.

"DEKU!!" Nothing.

"DEKU!!!!!!!" Still nothing.

I put my hand on his neck and still feel a pulse before lifting his lifeless body into my lap.

"IZUKU!!"

He stirs at the sound of his name and looks up at me with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes.

"Kacchan... You're.. you're here.. you came.."

Tears are starting to form in my eyes.

"Why did you do this to your self Izuku?? Why??"

"Oh Kacchan.. life has been so hard.. it's been.. it's been so dark.. so dark for a long time..."

"That's no reason to hurt yourself!" I sob not even caring who sees me losing it.

"I just. I just wanted.. I just wanted to.. to make it stop.. "

"Make what stop?" I said in almost a whisper.

"Everything... I..I.. love you Kacchan... I tried to tell you earlier... and you.. you told me.. told me to die..."

All the color drained from face.. my heart stopped.

No.. no.. this can't be my fault.. this isn't my fault!

I blinked my eyes a few times trying not to lose my shit and said "did you do this.. because of me? Because you don't think that I love you?" I chocked back a sob waiting for his response.

"Kacchan.. I know you don't love me.. it's okay.."

Fuck. I've liked Deku since we were kids. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I am gay and like guys.. that day when Todoroki asked if Deku was gay.. and he just said "yes".. made me so angry!

I was angry at myself that I was so weak! How could he just admit something like that to everyone? How could he risk that?

But I was gay. and I.. I loved him... I love him.

"Izuku.. I love you too.." tears were running down my face as I pulled his limp and cold body to my chest.

Please don't die!

"I love you so much Izuku"

You're not allowed to die! We have so much left to do!

"Please.. please don't leave me.. K-Kacchan.. I'm.. I'm cold... I...I just.. need you here."

 _2 months later._

 **Midoriya POV.**

I was admitted to the hospital and was being treated for depression. I was in daily therapy sessions and had a strict schedule.

I was getting better. But it wouldn't be a quick fix and I knew it.

A lot of people came to visit.. my mom.. All Might.. Mina.. Ochaco..

But one person came everyday.

Kacchan.

Kacchan came every day to visit me and see how I was doing, and see how my wounds were healing.

He would come everyday and sit by my bed and hold my hand and tell me about life.

He even put off getting signed to an agency and starting his life as a hero.. all for me.

We made sure the media thought I was just on vacation, and made sure the hospital and everyone around me kept their mouth shut about why I was here.. there would be no way that the world would be able to look to me as their "Symbol of Peace" if they knew I had tried to end my own life.

He came everyday... Kacchan did.. And everyday when he left, he kissed me on the head and told me he loved me.

As soon as I got out of treatment he was there waiting for me.

I ran up to him outside of the hospital and jumped in his arms. I slammed my lips onto his and we kissed.

"I love you Izuku."

"I love you to.. Kacchan. "


End file.
